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[personal profile] hellzabeth
I don't think I've ever cried this hard before in my entire life.

First time I've ever cried while writing a post.

Dear Elizabeth

I am writing to advise you that based on the information you have provided regarding the grades you have achieved in your A2, that we would not be able to confirm your place with us and your offer, if you accepted it, would become unsuccessful.

The decision was made because you would be two grades short.

With this information, you may wish to decline your place with us.

It would be helpful if you could acknowledge receipt of this email so that I know you have received it.

Oxford Brookes

You promised you bastards. You said I could get in with BCC, and then changed it to BBC a month ago. I can't. I can't do any better than this.


No I just can't do this.

This is it, this is my limit.

I can't handle everyone looking at me with such pride. Every picture in my house of my parents smiling makes me want to die. I can't make you proud. I tried, and still it wasn't good enough.

How do I tell them

oh god how am I ever going to tell them

all my customers, all my regulars were congratulating me too. my boss expects to see me leave in september. i won't be leaving now

i can't handle another year trapped in this god forsaken town where everyone who sees me thinks they know me. I just want to start on my own.

let me out of here

let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out

nena hates me so i can't call her, mum's left her phone here, i can't face my dad with this, grandma won't pick up, and hell if i'll ever let my sister see me cry like this

and now my nose is bleeding because i'm crying too hard fine whatever i'll bleed out and faint for a while fine by fucking me

i'm never going to get out of here

i'm going to be trapped in this fucking room looking out at that fucking field with those fucking trees and those fucking BOYS ON THEIR FUCKING SKATEBOARDS I WISH THEY'D ALL JUST FALL OFF AND CRACK THEIR HEADS OPEN SO I CAN STAMP ON THEIR TINY LITTLE BRAINS


i hate it i hate it i hate what this is doing to me

i'm crying even more because i know i'm being a petulant child who had their trip to disneyland canceled because the car broke down. i sound like a 14 year old. i'm even fucking comfort eating, what kind of pathetic loser sits in their room all day pretending to be someone else on the internet or writing stories that nobody gives two fucks about in the long run

who are you even fucking kidding self, nobody's reading this. they turned back when they got to your wall of crazy up there. just one of the many whiny entitled 19 year olds from a middle class background with so much good in their life on livejournal, crying like a little bitch

fuck it

so i guess i'm not going to oxford after all because the fucking cuntwipes changed their minds

Date: 2011-03-23 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starrose17.livejournal.com
Oh What. The. Fuck?!?!?! How the hell can they do this?!?! I'm...just....I'm really speechless!!!! O_O!!!! My god I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling, DUUUUUDE! *massive massive hugs*

Date: 2011-03-23 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madnesshp.livejournal.com
What the fuck?? And I really don't like how they put "you may wish to decline your place with us" as if it's all up to you and it's not their fucking fault for bringing your hopes up and shit. What kind of bullshit is that?

I am so sorry this happened to you. But just know, you have every right to be angry.


Date: 2011-03-23 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] megkips.livejournal.com
I understand a lot of this entry, because I've had a lot of similar thoughts of being stuck in the house due to not getting into grad school. It is, by far and away, one of the most unpleasant thoughts to deal with.


Always here if you need anything. Or to distract. Ponies help.

Date: 2011-03-23 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellethill.livejournal.com
I am so very sorry to hear that, I can't even begin to say how much.

I get at least a little of what you must be going through - when I applied to study abroad all my family and friends and about 100 people at work were proudly smiling and congratulating me about it every day even before I knew whether I'd get in either way, or if studying abroad (and quitting a very good job in the process) wouldn't end up ruining my life. It's definitely not the same, but I get where you're coming from.

I'm hugging you tight tight tight in my thoughts right now.

Also, the bastards who changed their minds need to choke on something very unpleasant. Christ.


Date: 2011-03-23 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thera7.livejournal.com

String those bastards up and smack them around with a heavy object for however many hours you feel like it. Then burn them alive and dance in the ashes. THOSE ARSEHOLES, ARE THEY DETERMINED TO SCREW UP EVERYTHING ABOUT UNI?!?!?!

On that note, this is hardly your fault, so no way can anyone can fault you on it when you tell them.
Do you have any back-up uni options?

Either way, we're all behind and rooting for you on here, waving 'GO PIDGE' flags, so don't give up! *HUGS*

Date: 2011-03-23 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] safekh-aubi.livejournal.com
You don't actually know me, so I don't know how much help this will be. I'm just someone who occasionally lurks around your LJ, reading your fics, but I have a pretty good idea of how you are feeling. About three years ago, I was in a similar situation, with evey one expecting me to do well in my A-Levels and go on to university, while I knew that I just couldn't meet with their expectations. Hell, I nearly did something very stupid because I didn't think I could be good enough. But I didn't. Instead I chose not to go to uni, but get a job straight out of college, before I even knew what my results were. Three years later, I'm earning more than any of my friends who did go to uni, I've got an actual career that I could really make something of and I'm happy, knowing that I did what was right for me.

Now, I'm not saying you should give up with going to uni, if that's what you want to do, but remember that while life might not always go as planned, that doesn't mean that it is over, or that you can never achieve your dreams. It just means you might have to go about in a different way.

Although, changing their minds like that? More than slightly dickish of them.

Date: 2011-03-23 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aislingthegreat.livejournal.com
...cying is a perfectly appropriate reaction to this fuckery.>:( I mean the uni being knobs, not you... I'm so so sorry this happened to you.T_T

I don't understand the way uni acceptance works over there, but from what I get from your entry that doesn't even sound remotely like your fault, that's the university being gobshites. Is the university even allowed to suddenly change the grade requirements like that? Can you appeal the decision?

Anyway, like I said, this isn't in any way your fault. *hugs* Your parents are going to love you and be proud of you whether you get into uni or not, and everyone reading this entry is on your side and cheering you on.^^

Date: 2011-03-23 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] katamanda.livejournal.com
That's so awful. I'm so sorry to hear that D:

/hugs you so tight

Date: 2011-03-23 07:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] candesceres.livejournal.com
You already know what I think but stay strong.

You'll find a way regardless of whether you get into that uni or not. Keep your options open.

I'll always be here if you need me. \o\


Date: 2011-03-24 03:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lovelylurker.livejournal.com
What- WHAT?!

Oh Pidge I am so sorry! /HUGS

That doesn't even make any sense!

What about going somewhere else? Does it have to be Oxford? Is it too late in the year to do something about it?! Alasjdlajsd I want to hug you and tell you it's going to be okay ;A;


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April 2011

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