Meme time! You Know You Live in [x-place-here] When...

[hellzabeth]

1. Go to Google (or Yahoo) and type, "You know you're from (your state / province) when..."
2. Cut and paste the list.
3. Bold the items that apply to you.

1. You know how to (correctly) pronounce Edinburgh, Buckinghamshire, Welwyn Garden City, Loughborough and Gloucester.

2. You know how to use HP sauce, Worcestershire sauce, BBQ sauce, and you do use them. All the time.

3. Tea is a drink and a meal.

4. English people don't only drive on the left, they walk on the left.

5. You own at least 5 umbrellas and 3 overcoats.

6. The weather forecast for every day of the year, all year, is one of the following:

a) Cloudy
b) Rain
c) Showers
d) Snow
e) Hail
f) Strong wind
g) All of the above

7. You know what pub stands for, and where the nearest one to your house is.

8. You love beer. Warm. And flat.

9. 5 pounds for a pack of cigarettes is normal for you unless you travel abroad, in which case you bring them back in thousands, and refuse to buy cigarettes in England should you run out.

10. There is a 70% chance the last time you saw a completely blue sky it was outside the UK. ... orz I miss France already.

11. When English people actually use the word "sky", 99% of the time it refers to the satellite TV.

12. Talking about the weather is a perfectly acceptable way to start a conversation. I'M SORRY I BABBLE ABOUT THE WEATHER SO MUCH YOU GUYS orz

13. A conversation about the weather will usually derive into one about football, followed by drinking. Beer. In a pub.

14. You've either seen every episode of Eastenders and Hollyoaks, or you've always heard about them and never seen a single episode.

15. You recognise Northern, Southern, Liverpool, Scottish, Welsh and Irish accents within the first 6 words of conversation.

16. Chips are an independent dish, not a side order.

17. You hate the size and weight of English coins. (Especially 2p ones)

18. You think every website should end in .co.uk, and google.com is for fancy foreigners.

19. You've seen a 50 pound note, and pissed off your corner shop by using one to buy a packet of cigarettes. (Unless you're foreign, refer to number 9.) Not buying ciggies, but I have been the cashier in this situation.

20. You've seen a cricket and/or rugby match, and you know the only countries that play these sports are either part of the UK, British Isles, or of the British Commonwealth.

21. You call people "mate" even women. Ending sentences with "cheers mate" is considered polite and courteous in some parts of England.

22. You understand English humour, and have somehow managed to appreciate it. You find John Cleese and Rowan Atkinson funny.

23. You know at least 2 of the sign anagrams from the Fawlty Towers hotel. (eg: Watery Fowls, Warty Towels, Fatty Owls, Flowery Twats)

24. Curry is as English as sausage and mash with onion gravy. And you love them both so much.

25. You've been to the Brighton pier. Twice.

26. "Your calling credit is running low. Please arrange a top-up." THAT FUCKING VOICE AAAAARRRGH

27. You love cashback, even though you NEVER get any. However, you get pissed off when you go abroad because shop attendants don't ask you if you want cashback. *always gets cashback*

28. You know what a chav is and how to spot one.

29. You've seen an umbrella shop.

30. You own at least one fake ID.

31. You've been fined for "losing"/not having your train ticket.

32. The cheapest taxi to anywhere, ever, is 10 pounds. If the fare says 8.49, the driver presses a button which rounds it up to 10, (he claims he helped you with your luggage, but you don't have any...)

33. You've had a one on one fight with a daddy long legs. And lost. I AM PIDGE, KILLER OF LONGLEGS.

34. When you go to McDonalds you fill at least 10 of those sauce things just because they're free. You know fine well you won't use more than 2.

35. Someone has randomly tried to sell you marijuana before. They proposed it to you as "bangin' dro", "kwality skunk" or simply "sensi", and the qualitative description was "bang bang", or a similar onomatopoeia.

36. You've been referred to as "mate" by at least 500 people, 75% of whom you don't know. It's an easy way to address customers okay don't judge me.

37. Smoking 'rollies' is completely socially acceptable. Even though they look like joints.

38. It is EXTREMELY rare for someone you don't know to ask you for a cigarette, and if they do they beg. Like REALLY beg: "Excuse me mate (You don't know the person, see Nº36.) Can i ask u for a massive favour? Can I please nick a fag from you?" "Thanks I'm sorry to be rude but can I nick another one for my mate, mate? If not thats cool bruv. Cheers Mate" (See 21.) People have actually asked me for a light before, and Nena for ciggies, though I don't smoke and Nena always declines.

39. You've gotten into a fight for supporting the other team than that of the chavs (See 28.) sitting next to you.

40. You've gotten into a fight for not being English. I was a very Americanized child.

41. You've gotten into a fight for being English, but from a different part of England. There was this one time when I visited the north, but it was more a verbal bitching from two sides of a motorway.

42. You get into fights weekly.

43. You drink cider. With blackcurrant. Second part ewwww first part yaaaaaay

44. You've bought a 2L bottle of strongbow for 69p and drank it at home, alone. This doesn't seem to shock people, especially university students.

45. Clothes from topshop/topman are cool in England, but you can't seem to wear them anywhere else in the world.

46. Emos don't shock you any more. You even know a couple. Several.

47. Grapes have seeds? REALLY!?

48. You've had your phone stolen at least twice. Once at least by a chav.

49. As you're reading this, it's probably raining in England. WITCHCRAFT. HOW DID YOU KNOW.

50. You know the number of at least one Domino's Pizza off by heart. And that of three other takeaways. 01730262626 hello welcome to Papa John's Pizza. 264858 good evening and welcome to Tai's Chinese takeaway. 427427 hi this is Domino's Pizza can I take your order? 118118 hi you've reached directory inquiries...

51. If you're brave enough to drive on the left, you've knocked at least 6 couriers off their bikes before. NOT YET \o/

52. You hate Rihanna for ruining summer 2007 with the song "Umbrella" (Weather forecast for July/August 07 = SHOWERS - See Nº6.) Inescapable catchy song godfuckingdamnit.

53. You always order a double or triple when ordering spirits.

54. In foreign countries, you blame people for not speaking English, never yourself for not speaking the native language. I always feel really bad about this kind of instinctive reaction and try to make myself learn a little local lingo first.

55. Kettles. I don't have to explain this one. Which reminds me that I need to de-scale ours again because limestone in one's tea is hardly tasty.

56. Ribena. Can't live without it.

57. You despise Microsoft and their "US English". AND APPLE. CURSE YOU AMERICANIZATION OF THE GLOBAL LANGUAGE OF ENGLISH.

58. The use of the word "wicked". Enough said.

59. Fags are not gay people. They are cigarettes.

60. There is some secret part of you that enjoys confusing foreigners with obscure slang. /shrug. Guilty pleasures.

Look I found something even more amusing from the same site!

-- TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS BRITISH LAWS --

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down.

3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.

4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day.

5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.

6. In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet.

7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen.

8. It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing.

9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour.

10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

 

Comments

[wraithi.livejournal.com]

Law numbers 5 and 6 are mind boggling |:

Also, note to self; never go to York with a bow and arrow.

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

You can bet that there will be at least ONE person in York just WAITING for a Scot to appear with a bow and arrow.

[vehira.livejournal.com]

50. XDD good job~
55. ...what.

WAIT. So what happens if you do die in the Houses of Parliament? Do they like...give your family a ticket for it?

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

55: Electric Kettle. I understand that the rest of the world has ones you put on the stove that look like this or something. Electric kettles are quicker though. But since I live in a hardwater area, there's a lot of limestone in the water, and when you boil it it hardens in scales on the surface of whatever you're boiling it in.

idefk I think you get fined? Bit of a dick move, don't think anyone would do it these days.

[vehira.livejournal.com]

...woah. That's weird. But also pretty neat. You English people and your spiffy tea-making things.

That'd suck so much XD; hopefully no one keels over and dies there, then.

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

It surprised me a lot when I heard that other countries like America don't have electric kettles. Putting something on the stove to boil like that seems so... primitive. /snob.

Lol there are enough old bastards in there to do it by accident.

[tuulensisko.livejournal.com]

We totally have electric kettles too. Every household seems to have at least one nowadays. Coffee machine is usually still more important though. Mum has two at least, I think. I know a friend whose parents have four. We have one that works with the electric kettle. You heat the water with the kettle and then pour it in. I never use it though. *prefers tea*

[millesettecento.livejournal.com]

LOL.
I wish I could to this thing too >:/

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

Not hard, go go go! There's got to be one for Mexico.

[amygirl.livejournal.com]

LOL at number 10 from the last one. Why do I imagine Scotland doing something that requires him to dig out his bow and arrow. England seeing him and being all...OMG YAY! about it.

And yeah...that's really not funny anymore...yeah...it's late.

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

HE HAS BEEN WAITING HIS WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT. /gets shotgun

[katamanda.livejournal.com]

Oh lol I remember number 10. Came up a lot in our College class with those of Scottish descent.

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

You're around York then?

[katamanda.livejournal.com]

Nah Sheffield. Which isn't too far from York but, there was this lad who had Scottish parents in our clas. So it became sort of a class meme that we were gonna take him to York someday, give him a bow of arrow and hunt him down XD;

[zetamus.livejournal.com]

-You have relatives who aren't really your relatives
-You know how to sing Sto Lat and sing it on all holidays/special occasions
-You love soccer
-You know very well Pope John Paul II was Polish and his name was Karol, not Carol.
-You go to Midnight Mass every Christmas Eve and keep your Christmas tree up till February.
-You know it’s wodka. not vodka.
-You open your presents on Christmas Eve.
-You don't feel the need to add an "s" to Pierogi because you already know the word is plural and it annoys you when others do.
-You see a girl/guy and the first thing you check out are their eyes
-You sometimes slip up when speaking English and add an ‘y’ to already plural English words.
-You love electronica, dance, and European techno in general
Your parents make you listen to polish disco
You can spot Polish people like Asians can spot each other
-Your grandparents hardly (if at all) speak English
When you're at a stranger's house, you expect their garbage can to be under the sink(No but I understand why you would)
-You always take off your shoes as soon as you step into someone else's house, even when they say you don’t have to.
You still think that American weddings should last days, not hours.
-You know Chopin was born in Poland and not in France
Your grandma understands you better than you understand yourself
-You were speaking Polish before you were English
-You have never eaten meat on Good Friday
You dash your sevens and hat your ones
Your parents have no idea how to use a computer except for solitaire.
Your grandmother has a picture framed of Pope John Paul II, right beside your family photo
-Your family considers mushroom/berry picking as 'having a good time"
-Your grandma insists you wear slippers because the floor is chilly and you'll get a cold.(Oh so much)
-You have paper towels in the house but they're just for show, because everyone knows you're supposed to use a cloth.
All your friends wished they were polish because of Smingus Dingus
You couldn't say a bad word, even butt, around your mother without getting smacked.
-You would fail a blood/drug test because you've eaten so much poppy seed cake(not sure why)
-You, or your family/Polish friends talk in English, you occasionally slip in Polish words, and it's ok because you all know what each other are saying.
Your grandma can tell if you like a girl/guy just by looking at you
You often doodle the polish eagle during class
Someone in your family owns a car with a Polish sticker on the back
-There are curtains on all of the windows in your house, even in the bathroom.
You celebrate your birthday and your name day.

[candesceres.livejournal.com]

......those ridiculous laws practically BEG fic. Poor Scotland lmao. I'm guessing you don't get a lot of dead whales though. :|a I have heard of the postage stamp one though. XD And suddenly that part in the new Sherlock Holmes movie where they were going to kill everyone in Parliament suddenly becomes both lulzy and a national incident...

...so how about those tropical fish? *eyebrow waggle* /shot

W-Who doesn't find John Cleese and Rowan Atkinson funny wrrrrry ;A;

Ribena. <333

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

I was thinking that as I was reading them but it was 3am by the time I posted this so.... yeah.

/reloads B|

I-I don't know, Cande! Uneducated hillbillies? Dead people? No, even dead people would laugh...

I live on that stuff.

[nenamoo.livejournal.com]

That's because I'm a stingy cow and I earned those fags dammit! An hour of work! Screw people I don't know! ...I hand them out readily to people I do know. IT'S POLITE TO OFFER WHEN YOU SPARK UP ORZ

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

Yes dear. *pets* You work an extra hour for your expensive habit while I go frolic in all my money. Awww manners, you do haz them!

[nenamoo.livejournal.com]

Yes well let's consider this: You buy lunch whenever you work a lunch shift. That's maybe a couple of times a week, and I buy a packet a week on average. If that. So... all things considered we even out; no frolicking for either of us :|

I does! Unless they're of the table variety... I realised that at Uppark yesterday.

[emelethaine.livejournal.com]

54. In foreign countries, you blame people for not speaking English, never yourself for not speaking the native language.

I do that all the time. :D And I'm not even English. But it kinda makes sense. I mean English is the universal language amirite? Except for the French.

The 'no dying in the Houses of Parliament' one was pretty mind-boggling. What happens if we do? XDDD Are we given a second death penalty- I mean.

Also. Number 10. Why am I hoping that somewhere the law states this:

11. All Scots with the name 'James Kirkland' must bring a bow and arrow into the city of York.

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

Where are you from? 8D Chinese is the most spoken language and Spanish is the most popular, but English is a world language for sure.

I think they just fine your family or something, though I guess that's only if they really hate you.

Pfft. He waits for the day.

[emelethaine.livejournal.com]

I'm Indonesian with no national pride whatsoever. Mandarin is only spoken a lot because China needs to teach his people how to use condoms. Or castrate them or something. ...I have something against that language. School's shoving it down my throat.

I wonder what's the reason for these rules. I mean, there must be some reason why they exist. It's not like Iggy got drunk and decided to make a new rule for fun or something although that is pretty likely.

[aislingthegreat.livejournal.com]

Hey what's a chav? I keep hearing the word and the only thing I know about it is that they occasionally wear Burbarry...orz

Those laws are brilliant. Especially the one about the topless women in Liverpool.:D

[hellzabeth.livejournal.com]

The female breed and the male breed.



Liverpool is a strange place. A strange, strange place.

[aislingthegreat.livejournal.com]

Oh, we have them too! In Ireland they're usually called scumbags or skangers though...depends where you live...

[darker-dreamer0.livejournal.com]

I LOVE old laws they are so funny. That reminds me of the one from denmark that says if the Oresund sea freezes and a Swede walkes to Denmark, Danes are aloud to beat him with stcks. I don't really remember any others off the top of my head...